Love Between the Pages: 8 Romances for Booklovers Page 22

  Then she thought of Elaine Matthews all alone on the morning of her surgery. Well, that was that nature of illness and disease. You did so much of it alone. Although Mrs. Matthews wouldn’t be all alone, would she? Even if Jordan weren’t there, she’d have her husband there. Wouldn’t she? Surely?

  Sadie stared out the car window as Jordan took out his phone and used his thumb to punch in another number. She was beginning to have fantasies about shoving the phone down a garbage chute.

  In Cedar Valley, Mrs. Matthews wouldn’t be alone. People might make fun of small towns for being provincial, and of course, they could be, but people took care of each other there. Adventures were all well and good, but there was something magical about being home.

  Chapter Five

  Sadie had gotten up at an unreasonably early hour to see Mrs. Matthews — whom she tried, and failed, to think of as Elaine — before they prepped her for morning surgery. Now she stepped out of the elevator and walked over to the nurses’ station. It wasn’t official visiting hours yet, but her experience when Gran died showed her that exceptions could often be made, especially if you were polite and didn’t assume.

  “Can I just peek in to say hello to Mrs. Matthews before she goes down to surgery?”

  “That’ll be fine,” the nurse said, barely looking up from her computer. A doctor on rounds came by to ask the nurse a question and Sadie went down the hall to Mrs. Matthews’ room. She knocked on the door and announced herself before stepping inside. Mrs. Matthews was watching the morning news, still in her own nightgown and robe, the remote in her lap. She was alone.

  “Hi,” Sadie said, suddenly feeling ridiculous. No one had invited her to be here, least of all Mrs. Matthews. Maybe she preferred having the time to herself. Everyone was different, so just because Sadie would welcome company didn’t mean everyone would. “I know Jordan has meetings this morning and I guessed Mr. Matthews would, too. So I just thought I’d stop in and see how you’re doing.”

  Mrs. Matthews gave her a calm, fathomless look. Sadie knew she was babbling but she couldn’t seem to stop herself.

  “I get really nervous before things like this,” she went on. “Not that I’ve ever had cancer or have any idea what you’re going through. But I get nervous and I thought maybe you might, too, and, you know, maybe if you’d like to, we could talk about it.” A glance at Mrs. Matthews’ expressionless face showed her how unlikely that was. “Or I could just keep you company until it’s time. Waiting is the hardest part.”

  Still Mrs. Matthews didn’t say anything.

  “Of course, some people like to be alone with their thoughts,” Sadie said desperately, wringing her hands together. When Jordan found out that she’d bothered his mother, he’d probably hit the roof. Which reminded her of Aunt Gertrude’s roof. Which wouldn’t be replaced any time soon if she didn’t pull this off. Which meant not doing stupid things on impulse. Sadie took a step back. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude.”

  Mrs. Matthews cleared her throat. “No. You don’t need to go.”

  “Okay.” Sadie stood awkwardly by the door. Now what?

  Mrs. Matthews smiled faintly and said, “You can pull that chair up.”

  “Oh. Okay.” Great. Now she ran out of words.

  “What do your parents do?” Mrs. Matthews asked politely, switching off the television. Sadie smiled. That reminded her of Gran, who respected young women in careers but never really expected them to have one. And, Sadie knew, establishing one’s bona fides was important in Mrs. Matthews’ world — and Sadie’s as well, really, just in a different way. Hadn’t she asked Peter to give an endorsement of Jordan?

  “My parents died when I was a baby,” she explained. “I was raised by my mother’s parents. My father’s parents died a few years before he did.”

  “And your grandparents? They are also gone?”

  “Yes.” She hesitated and said, “I have a great-aunt, Gertrude. She lives in Cedar Valley, too. We have dinner every Sunday, same as when Gran and Gramps were alive.” There. She’d found her voice and was using it to utter inanities.

  Mrs. Matthews smiled. “A family dinner? How nice. I used to try that.” Her smile faltered and she looked down at the remote in her hands. She sighed and set it on the table by the bed.

  So. Wasn’t this awkward. Sadie saw that Mrs. Matthews’ hands were pleating the coverlet restlessly, anxiously. Her beautifully manicured and cared-for hands shook.

  Without thinking, Sadie reached across the covers and took her hand. Mrs. Matthews gave her a startled smile. “The waiting is the hardest part,” the older woman admitted.

  Sadie’s lips tightened. Why couldn’t her husband or son be here? Maybe she hadn’t asked them to share the waiting, but still. It didn’t seem right. She shouldn’t have to ask. She shouldn’t have to be alone if she didn’t want to.

  “I’ll wait with you,” Sadie said. “And I’ll wait during surgery. Just so you know someone will be here. I’ll wait until you’re in recovery and Jordan gets here.”

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  Sadie shrugged. “I have a book I’ve been wanting to read.”

  Mrs. Matthews gave a short bark of laughter. “My God, I’ve forgotten your name. I was so surprised last night. It is so unlike Jordan that I simply wasn’t concentrating when he introduced you.”

  “Sadie,” she said. “Sadie Rose Perkins.”

  “That’s right. He called you Sadie-belle. Why does he do that?”

  “No idea,” Sadie said.

  • • •

  When the aides came in to take Mrs. Mathews down to the operating room, Sadie gave the older woman a kiss on her cheek and squeezed her hand, feeling glad she’d come. Then she went to the visitors’ waiting room.

  As the morning wore on, other families joined her in the room, their faces tense and worried. In a way, it hurt to look at them. She wasn’t waiting for news of a loved one. Certainly she wanted Mrs. Matthews to do well, but she was little more than a stranger to Sadie. For these people, someone dear to them was in danger. She remembered what that was like from when Gran was in the hospital. She wished someone who cared for Mrs. Matthews were here. That would make all the difference.

  The only reason Sadie was here was because she was getting paid. Okay, she wasn’t getting paid to do this, exactly, but the fact that she was getting paid at all suddenly seemed distasteful. She shifted in her chair. Why had she thought it seemed like a good idea? Or like it could possibly be an adventure?

  She sighed and turned back to her book. What was the point in getting squeamish now?

  A shadow fell across the page she was staring at but not seeing. She glanced up to see Jordan looming over her.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked, dropping into the chair next to her. He seemed suspicious, like she might haunt hospital waiting rooms in her spare time for some ulterior motive he couldn’t quite guess.

  “I came this morning,” she said, closing her book. She wasn’t able to concentrate anyway. “I don’t know. I felt bad that she didn’t have anyone here.” The minute she said it, she wished she hadn’t tried to explain.

  Jordan’s face closed down and his hands tightened into fists. He leaned forward in his chair. “She said she wanted to be alone.”

  Sadie imagined she had. She gave Jordan a sympathetic look, not that he noticed, and chose her words carefully. “She couldn’t have both of you here and she didn’t want to have to choose. She’d rather be alone than do that.”

  He flinched, like she’d slapped him. She supposed she had. Then his lips thinned and he said, “I try — ”

  “I’m not saying you don’t try,” she interrupted. It wasn’t her place to tell him what or what not to do, but now that she’d started she had to end it — and quickly, if possible. “I’m not even saying you should try. All I’m saying is you need to give your mother permission to need him. And not feel like she’ll sacrifice you by doing so.”

  She sucked a breat
h in, knowing she’d gone a bit too far, wishing she’d kept her mouth shut. His face had gone white, and his silence was more reproachful than any angry words might have been. His silence had a shape, a substance. She was starting to think she should never have left Cedar Valley.

  “Sorry,” she muttered. “You don’t need a lecture from me.”

  His jaw worked. She supposed he was trying to figure out how to say what he had to say without raising his voice, considering where they were.

  “That was inappropriate and not good timing,” she added, touching his hand.

  She watched his tense face, the shadows under his eyes. What made her think she had any right to interfere? Or that anything she said would do any good? She’d just cause a lot of hurt feelings if she tried. She certainly wasn’t going to be here long enough to help him figure anything out. He wouldn’t want her to, anyway. Her stomach churned as the silence lengthened.

  Finally, he said, “I’d rather people say what they have to say.”

  Sadie would have found it more convincing if he hadn’t had to force the statement through gritted teeth.

  “Then you’ve come to the right place,” she said, hoping a light-hearted tone could smooth things over, knowing it couldn’t. “I’m a blurter.”

  Thankfully, before she could do anymore damage, a nurse came into the waiting room. “Matthews family?” Sadie patted Jordan’s back and he went to see his mother.

  • • •

  You need to give your mother permission to need him. And not feel like she’ll sacrifice you by doing so.

  If only it was as easy as that, like all it required was a handshake with Randall and a hug with his mother and everything would be fine. Everything hadn’t been fine in a very long time.

  Jordan followed the nurse down the hallway to the recovery room. When he reached his mother’s gurney, his heart skipped painfully. She looked so pale and fragile, her spirit a candle so easily snuffed out. The sight of his mother’s pale face etched with pain as she drifted in and out of consciousness, her eyelids fluttering as she tried to focus on him, was like a knife in his gut. He was going to lose her. He had never really felt like he’d had her at all.

  The surgeon had come over and was saying something to him. He could hear the words but somehow they weren’t making any sense. He wished Sadie were here. She would listen for him. Why had he left her in the waiting room? She didn’t do any good for him there.

  Finally, the surgeon nodded and walked off. Jordan leaned down and kissed his mother’s cheek. This time when she lifted her lids, she held them open to look at him. He could see the great effort it required. She shifted and made a groan that sliced straight to his heart.

  “Let me help,” he said, but she made a weak gesture with her hand and he backed away as she lay against the pillow.

  “Where’s Sadie?” she whispered, her voice cracking. Jordan glanced around for the nurse, then asked her if it was okay for his mother to sip a bit of water from a cup. When she told him it was, he helped his mother wet her lips a little. Then she leaned against the pillows with a sigh.

  “Where?” his mother said again.

  “She’s in the waiting room.”

  His mother nodded and let her eyes close, abandoning the effort. “She said she’d wait.”

  “And she did,” Jordan said, the words coming out clipped. How had Sadie known what his mother needed more than he did?

  “Bring her later,” his mother said, and he squeezed her hand gently.

  • • •

  Jordan stood there in the doorway of the waiting room with his hands in his pockets. Sadie was reminded of the serious little boy he had once been. Even though she hadn’t known him then, she could still picture him and she wished she couldn’t. He seemed just as alone now as he must have felt then, when Randall Matthews had swept into his mother’s life, making her his wife and ignoring him, treating him like a minor inconvenience. It didn’t matter how many employees or business associates he had, Jordan was still alone in that fundamental and heartbreaking way.

  She got to her feet, then reached up and gave him a hug, her arms circling around his neck, which required her to go up on her tiptoes. Shorter men were easier to embrace. Maybe she’d add that to her list of what she wanted in The One.

  Then his hands came out of his pockets and he bent down and met her halfway and that was nice, not having to do all the work for once. She relaxed into him a little. Just a little.

  She meant the hug to be a friendly gesture. She had sworn off kissing him because that was too dangerous for her heart. And they weren’t trying to convince these waiting room spectators of anything, so it didn’t need to be part of the show. It was just friendly. Employee-employer, that was all. Though it was true she’d never hugged a boss or an employee before. Sometimes she gave Katie a high-five. That was almost the same as this. Right?

  He smelled spicy and male, which made her scootch a little closer. His arms were tight around her. His breath came steadily and his heart thudded in a reassuring way. So she wasn’t making his heart race, or anything, and that was good. That was perfect, because it meant this was just friendly for him, too.

  It was ridiculous for her to feel held by him, cared for by him, soothed by him when she was doing the hugging and he was the one in emotional distress. Or, if not in emotional distress, then at least under strain, with lots of worry. But she felt a lot better now than she had a minute ago.

  It seemed so natural, the way he bent down, like he would always meet her halfway, he would always help her reach. She never wanted him to let her go. But he did, eventually, easing up a little at first instead of abruptly releasing her, which she appreciated and thought showed some class. Then it was easy — or at least not impossibly hard — to let him go. She stepped back and said, “Is she doing okay?”

  He nodded. “The surgeon said something about the operation being successful but they were going to have to do more tests. She was awake when I saw her and she seemed okay.”

  More tests didn’t sound good but Sadie didn’t say so and she didn’t ask him to explain what it meant. “I’m glad she got through okay.” There didn’t seem much to add to that, so she said, “Listen, I’m starving. I’ll get something to eat and meet you back here later.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” he said, taking her hand and walking toward the elevator with her. “I have to eat, too, so we may as well go get something together.”

  She wasn’t being ridiculous, but she didn’t argue. “All right,” she said. She knew it was just his way of expressing himself and she didn’t mind. She didn’t mind.

  Aunt Gertrude had warned her that this day could come, and apparently it had.

  Chapter Six

  A few minutes later, Peter drew the car up to the curb near a narrow entrance canopy. Sadie saw the name of the restaurant printed on the canopy, faded gold on faded green. Petrucci’s. She’d never heard of it, but that didn’t mean anything. From the backseat of the car, she had the impression of an old and battered building.

  Frequenting hole-in-the-wall restaurants didn’t quite jibe with her impression of Jordan. Shouldn’t he be going to some hip new establishment where he could see and be seen by flashy women like his girlfriend Paula? Sadie had never met her or even learned the first thing about her, other than that brief exchange between Jordan and his mother yesterday, but she had her suspicions about what kind of person Jordan tended to be attracted to. Not someone exactly like his mother, vague and elegant and remote, but unreachable in another way, someone Jordan would never have to worry about the way he worried about Mrs. Matthews.

  Her gaze traveled to the buckling sidewalk near the entrance to the restaurant. If he didn’t tend toward hip venues, she’d expect something understated, elegant, and expensive — the kind of place he’d bring his mother. He wasn’t the kind of man who’d roll up his sleeves for some down-home barbecue. Then she glanced down at her jeans and rumpled cotton shirt, her scuffed ballet flats. Maybe
she explained the hole-in-the-wall restaurant.

  Just like she could always find the right book for the right person, maybe he did that with food. The right restaurant for the right person. Although the whole matching thing worked better if you asked a few qualifying questions first, like What kind of food do you like? or What are you in the mood for? But he had a lot on his mind so she wasn’t going to criticize him too much just yet.

  She slid out of the car and then his palm was warm on the small of her back, guiding her to the entrance as if she might not have been able to make it on her own. He reached around and opened the door for her. Gran would have approved; Aunt Gertrude would have wondered if he thought she was too feeble to open the door on her own. Sadie hadn’t decided her opinion yet.

  She stepped into a small entrance foyer, dimly lit. In her experience, restaurants were only this dimly lit when the owner didn’t want you to look too closely at the food. Or the silverware.

  Jordan had his hand on her back again. Was that to keep her from turning around and heading back to the car?

  “Mr. Blaise!” Here came a tall, slender maitre d’. Also a bad sign. If the food were good, the employees should look like they ate it.

  At least the place smelled good. So there was that in its favor.

  “It has been too long since we’ve seen you!” the gaunt man gushed, his gaze taking in Sadie from the top of her not very recently brushed hair to the toes of her inexpensive flats. “And who is this lovely young lady?”

  Sadie hadn’t been a lovely young lady since Gramps had died and she felt immediately better about being here. Maybe the food wouldn’t be too bad.

  “This is Sadie Perkins,” Jordan said. Sadie waited for him to say something about their engagement, some indication of the relationship they were supposed to have, but he didn’t. She guessed he didn’t want everyone who knew him gossiping about his new fiancée. That might get back to his girlfriend and then who knew what would happen? He almost certainly hadn’t talked over the plan with Paula before launching it. He just wanted his mother to think he was engaged. The whole world didn’t need to know it.